Thursday, January 31, 2008

Introducing The Candy Heart Generator

The signs are unmistakable.

The dismal specter of yet another agonizing Valentine’s Day lumbers fatefully closer like some pink, sappy-faced behemoth. It reeks of refrigerated flowers and dirty cash, its roar a cacophony of disposable jingles for cheap diamonds, decapitated roses, and sickening confections barely fit for human consumption. It descends ravenous upon us all, feeding on hearts- whether bitter, black, or broken- passing over only the rare few it finds in a state of true romantic love.

To them, rather the vulgar monstrosity it is, the beast appears instead as a dear friend long awaited. They are swept as lovers into the creature’s intoxicating embrace, not to be devoured, but rather only pickpocketed, then left dizzied and drunk, as the beast returns to hibernation. In a year, it will return- more diabolical than before. And as certain as its coming, it will feed first and most viciously on the very ones it passed the year before. For what romance lasts longer than a season, anyway?

Shifting abruptly into my marketing message because I lack the grace and time for a more nimble segue…

Hey- want to make your own candy hearts? We’ve got a nifty new Do-It-Yourself tool! Check it out at!

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