Monday, September 22, 2008

The Onion: Area Father Remembers When He Thought Killing Family, Self Was Crazy

September 19, 2008 | Issue 44•38


SCHAUMBURG, IL— Father of five Don Knutsen, 39, can still recall a time not too long ago when he would have instantly dismissed the thought of lacing his family's lunch with Rohypnol and burning the house down with everyone inside as "crazy." "Just a year ago, that would have seemed pretty out there, all right," Knutsen told reporters as he tried to settle down his overexcited four-year-olds, Beth and Rogan, while his wife, Maude, informed him that the light in the bathroom was still broken. "These days, I usually don't make it to five o'clock before I notice we have five gallons of gas just sitting there in the garage." Although he does not currently have the time or money to seek counseling, Knutsen said he will certainly contact the authorities if he begins having murder-suicide fantasies in which his family does not die painlessly.

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